Hole In The Heart RK

Written by: Carl Rice Jr

A Voice From Heaven

Written By: Carl Rice Jr

My name is Carl Rice Jr.  As I started my website, Hole In The Heart RK, I found myself   overcome with hurtful emotions.  I thought of my son Ryan and how his life touched me.  I thought of how his time on earth brought so much joy and how much I wanted him back.  I thought of my wife Penny, we have been married thirty years.  I thought of my son BJ, who is 28 years old.  I thought of how we experienced horrible hurt together as a family. How we had our own enormous personal pain and finding even a small amount of comfort was like searching for a pebble of gold in a mucky stream.

I remembered the hurt, tears and confusion my friend Mike, his wife Vickie and their daughter Kelli went through, when Kristen died.  I remembered talking to Mike and hearing how each one of them suffered terribly as individuals and as a family.  I identified quite closely with how Mike would say; his life would never be the same.  I realized how Kristen and Ryan’s dying ripped at the deepest part of our souls, in closely similar ways and in different ways.  How God provided the healing but as Mike put it, the Hole In Our Hearts would always remain.  Now Mike’s family and my family are forever linked, with parents who had or will have a child die. 

My last moment with Kristen was the day she died.  I was walking out of church when she saw me.  In front of a hundred people she yelled, “Carl.”  As she ran toward me her hands were flapping, her smile was wide and she had so much energy I thought she would run me over.  She hugged me tight and asked about Penny, BJ and Ryan, and kept on talking.  She said, “Have a good day! ” and ran after someone else.  Wow-talk about having your heart warmed.  Kristen’s innocent display of affection and bubbling personality drew you in like a sponge to water.  The wonderful thing is, it was a genuine show of love and care.                 

Hole In The Heart RK shows parents and other people how the death of a child impacts lives.  My website talks about mixed emotions, unwanted thoughts, mental anguish, and confusion.  It talks about the day we were born and how the day we die, cannot be changed. It addresses how the death of any child creates enormous hurt, pain, anger, sadness and WHY!.  You the reader will find the website emotionally powerful.  Some of you will say; that’s me.  Others will find it helpful and realize they are not alone. 

Hole In The Heart RK cannot give you all the answers to your questions.  God is the only one who has all the answers.  It can give you an opportunity to improve your understanding, know you’re not alone, agree, disagree, cry, laugh, and hopefully learn something about yourself.  If you are inclined to look at the truth of why your child died, you are given the opportunity to do so.

As you journey further into this website, the words you read will comes across as though my son Ryan is talking.   The website offers parents and others an opportunity to email their thoughts and make comments in the guest book.