Hole In The Heart RK

Written by: Carl Rice Jr

For The Good

Written By: Carl Rice Jr

I can hear my Christian brothers and sisters now talking about how God is adequate and sufficient in all things.  ‘I agree.’  As Christians, we have the word of God, which provides us guidance in all things.  What happens though, when life thrusts people into a high-speed blender and everything changes?

What happens when all sense of direction is gone?  What happens when people frantically look for a quick answer and don’t find it?  What happens when people read in the Bible, “God causes everything to work together for the good” when life is throwing them up against the wall, like a ragged doll? 

Dad tells his friend Mike, “I know God’s word is infallible, God’s Plan is complete and God knows what’s best for us.”  Dad tells Mike, “I know Ryan and Kristen are in heaven.  I just can’t see how Ryan and Kristen dying are working together for the good, especially when so much change isn’t good.” 

Dad tells Mike after Ryan died “life changed for everyone who loved Ryan and even for people who never knew him.”  I see Dad sobbing, hardly able to catch his breath.  I see tears roll from Mike’s eyes as he thinks of Kristen and tells my Dad that he is right.  Mike says, “Why didn’t God have another way for everything to work together for the good?”

You don’t ever have to feel good about the fact that your child died.  You don’t ever have to totally understand how everything works together for the good.  Maintain your faith in Jesus Christ and know that your child is in heaven.  Your life will never look the same, but your life will have purpose. 

The night my Dad opened the door to hear my friend Sean say, “Ryan Died.”  My Dad had not heard from anyone, including the police.  He frantically started making phone calls.  His body was shaking as if a stranger had startled him in the darkness of night.  Then Dad talked to a state trooper who said, “Your son Ryan has died in a car accident.”  Dad hung up the phone with no other information and walked into the bedroom to tell Mom.  My Mom screamed, “It can’t be Ryan.”  She went to her knees and repeated no, over and over.  Dad’s head was filled with a thick fog as he called to tell his parents and asked his Dad to bring BJ over.  Then Dad called Mom’s parents, Leslie, and his friend Mike.  At that moment Dad found nothing good!

Mom was hysterical, frantically walking around the house looking for her “Baby.”  She grabbed my blanket and held the silk edges against her cheeks.  Mom’s tears flowed hard, her life no longer made any sense.  Mom’s body shook as if she was standing outside on a cold winter night.  Her hands held tightly to my blanket as if doing so would keep me alive.  Mom sat on the floor of my bedroom, crying loudly.  It was as if her soul had been ripped out. She kept telling Dad, “Ryan will be home, Ryan will be home.”  Then Mom cried, “Where is Ryan?  I want to see my baby!” 

No one knew exactly where I was, if I was still at the accident scene or somewhere else.  At this point everyone went limp.  Fear of the unknown sucked out their energy.  Dad told Mom, “I will find out where Ryan is.” Then he asked my Uncle Tim to find me.  My uncle found out I was at the hospital.  Mom wanted to see me.  She acted excited because she was finally going to see her Ryan. Telling everyone, “See Ryan is alright.  I get to see him.”

As Mom rode to the hospital, she was telling my girlfriend Leslie how much she loved us being together.  Mom was telling Leslie how she was the best thing Ryan could ask for.  At the hospital, Mom, Dad, BJ, Leslie, grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends and my pastor were asked to stay in the waiting room.  Mom kept getting up and asking everyone, “Can I see Ryan?”

A lady from the hospital pulled Dad aside and told him I was already in the morgue.  Dad and BJ went into the emergency room as people held mom back.  BJ told the doctor not to take any of my organs and dad signed the death certificate.  As dad and BJ walked out of the emergency room, BJ saw mom and broke down into gut wrenching tears.  Everyone who saw BJ started crying and they held tightly to each other, as though their hearts were being ripped out

Mom had to be sedated and taken out of the hospital in a wheelchair.  Once outside the air felt cold, but there was softness to it.  The sky was a glassy black, full of stars and a moon that seemed so far away.  Dad stood alone in the dark, tears quietly rolling down his face.  Grandpa Rice put his arm around Dad’s shoulder and said, “I don’t know how time is going to heal this.”  I see my Mom and think people who believe time on earth heals everything, are wrong!  Just ask a loved one of a child who has died.

So when you don’t understand how the death of a child could be for the good, remember you will never totally understand why God lets things happen.  However, people who have faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior will find complete healing in heaven.  Now, that is for the good.