Hole In The Heart RK

Written by: Carl Rice Jr

Why My Child

Written By: Carl Rice Jr



A father’s son has recently died in the war.  The father sits alone and stares at his son’s picture.  He could yell but no one is around to hear him.  Instead the father whispers, “why my child God?”  His tears fall from his eyes and cover the picture of his son.  The father’s heart has a hole in it that leaves an achy emptiness that cannot be filled.

He thinks of when he held his child in his arms and how the life of is son filled him with an unexplainable love.  The father’s crying comes from the deepest part of his soul.  He cries so hard he cannot catch his breath.

He is thinking of the many moments he had enjoying time with his son.  The father can close his eyes and see his son standing in front of him.  Then he opens his eyes and his son is gone.  A friend from church stops by and says, “If you were God, whose child would you pick to die?” 

The father becomes angry with his friend and says, “Is that supposed to help me?  Are you saying God picked my child to die?  Do you really believe I will ever like my son dying?  Do you? Answer me damn it!”  The friend does not have an answer.  The father yells, “Is there something wrong with being angry with God?  Why do so many Christians think they have to come up with a Godly answer?  Why can’t people just listen to my pain?” 

The father knows God hates sin that brought death to the world.  The father knows God feels the pain of a son dying.  Yet knowing this doesn’t stop the crying, the father’s tears drip onto his son’s picture and slowly fall to the floor.  As the father sits alone all he wants is to feel the warmth of his son’s loving embrace.



The mother of a young girl can’t sleep.  Her daughter is spending the night with a very good friend.  Even though her daughter has stayed with her friend before, Mom is worried.  Mom hears a car pull up in the driveway.  She wonders why her daughter has come home so early.  As she walks to the door mom hears a knock.  Her stomach instantly feels like she has not eaten in days.  The mother pauses as though she’s in a fog and is not sure what to do.  Again she hears a knock and tells herself it must be the neighbors.

Mom knows she must open the door but the horrifying fear of despair is crushing her.  When she finally opens the door it’s a police officer.  The officer asks her to confirm her daughter’s name, fear rushes through her mind and body like a hurricane. 

The officer softly says, “Your daughter died in a car accident.”  The Mom yells, “No!”  She tells the officer, “You made a mistake.”  The mother falls to the floor; every muscle in her body has left her.  The mother finds out her daughter and friend left without saying anything.  The friend’s parents did not hear them leave.  The girls were hungry and decided to pick up food at a fast food restaurant.  The mother’s daughter and friend were driving to the restaurant as an intoxicated man was driving home.  The girls had no idea what was about to happen.  For them life was wonderful and their friendship would never end.   

As her daughter was going through the green light, the intoxicated driver was running the red light.  The man’s truck crashed into the passenger side of the girl’s car.  The girl died instantly as her head snapped from side to side.  The girl’s friend was treated at the hospital for minor injuries and released.  The man who ran the red light was not hurt.  

Mom sits at home and stares at the television but sees nothing.  The coffee table in front of her is covered with pictures of her daughter.  The pictures span every year of her daughter’s extremely short life.  The end table has prescription medications for the mother’s grief, depression and anxiety.  In her hand is a bottle of alcohol.

One year has gone by and the mother seldom has visitors.  Intrusive thoughts occur and she doesn’t know why.  A voice inside her head says, “Why didn’t a bad girl die?  Why didn’t a girl die who will do nothing for God?”  Her daughter loved serving the Lord and loved the life God gave her.  The mother takes her medication and opens another bottle of alcohol.  All she wants is to hear the joy in her daughter’s voice.



 A teenage girl finds out she is pregnant.  She is afraid to tell her parents.  She yearns for her boyfriend’s help.  The teenage girl tells her boyfriend she is pregnant and he says, “Are you sure it’s mine?”  The girl yells, “Of course it’s yours!”  The boyfriend says, “What about an abortion?”  The girl has thoughts of an abortion but loves her boyfriend and wants to have the baby.  After numerous days of arguing, the boyfriend says, “Get an abortion or I’m leaving you.”  The girl is devastated but gives into what she believes is love.  The boyfriend gives her money to have the abortion but doesn’t want any part of it.  Alone with people she doesn’t even know, the girl has the abortion.

After several years go by, the girl who is now a woman releases her pain, hurt, depression, anxiety, anger and much more.  She talks of her first child dying.  She slumps into her chair as though her body is putty.  Her head pounds with painful grief and she screams, “I killed my child!”  She takes steps of healing and recovery. She takes responsibility for her child’s death.  She learns many other people were responsible for her child’s death.  Including her boyfriend, people in the community who did not try harder to lead her away from abortion, the legal system, the health professionals who conducted the abortion and the politicians who claim to be Christians but go against scripture by telling the world a woman should have the right to abort her child.

The grieved mother knows she did not think of her first child as a child of God. She learns she did not give any thought to her first child being a living person.  She learns God has forgiven her and has unconditional love for her!  She learns the death of Jesus Christ cleansed her of all sin.  The girl who is now a woman can now look in the mirror and love herself.



The young teenager sits in his room and stares into the mirror.  He desperately wants to call a friend but he doesn’t know anyone he can call a friend.  His Mom yells for him to come downstairs.  As he takes each step to see his Mom he wishes he were somewhere else.  Mom tells him he forgot to dump the trash and the lawn needs mowed.  He goes through the motions but his mind and heart want more from life.

The young teenager walks through the hall of his school.  Some peers acknowledge him but he looks right through them.  Kids who would welcome him as a friend whisper, “What’s wrong with him?”  He sits in his classroom and the words from his teacher’s mouth don’t make it to his ears.  The young teenager, who has so much to offer life, has lost his desire for life.

The teenager goes home to his room and plays video games.  The wind blowing through the window is cool as it touches his face. He plays video games for hours but the excitement is gone.  He questions himself, “Why no girlfriend?  Why can”t I get a date to the prom?  Why don’t I feel like talking to anyone?  Why do I feel lonely?  Why can’t I be popular?  Why doesn’t anyone see I’m lost and I don’t know how to be happy?  Why do I hate the person in the mirror?”

The young teenager goes out to the pole barn and ties a rope to the rafter.  He’s not quite sure how to do it but he ties a loop in the rope.  The sun peeks through the window.  The sun is setting.  The teenager feels no hope and tells God how lonely and hurtful he feels.

He stands on the back of his Dad’s trailer with a rope around his neck.  He stares upwards and asks God to take care of his parents.  He prays and asks his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for forgiveness.  The young teenager steps off the trailer and hangs in the air.  The knot in the rope does not break his neck.  His feet dangle only inches off the ground.  He gasps for air but there is none to be found.  Slowly he closes his eyes and the once promising life has ended.  

Mom yells up to her son’s room that dinner’s ready.  There is no response.  Several times Mom yells upstairs but hears no words back.  Dad goes to his son’s room but he is not there.  The parents begin to look for their son.  As they enter the pole barn, Dad turns on the light.  Mom yells, “Oh my God!”  Dad removes the rope from his son’s neck and softly lays him on the ground.  Dad desperately begins CPR and yells for his wife to call 911.  The paramedic tells the parents their son is dead.  The parents scream into the dark night.  Their voices crackle with trembling tears.  Confusion surrounds them like a sand storm and they ask, “Why my child, God?” 

As time goes by the parents continue to question themselves on why their son committed suicide.  Some people in the Christian community said their son went to hell because he committed suicide.             

The parents frantically search for truth as they fear their son has gone to hell.  Now they have a hole in their heart and fear they will never see their son again.  The parents feel like they’re in quicksand and slowly they will be swallowed up by their son’s death.  Then just before the parents were going to drown in grief, Jesus showed them to the truth about suicide.

They found the Bible does not say suicide is an unpardonable sin.  Jesus clearly explains the only unpardonable sin is the denying of the Holy Spirit, which is denying the truth that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, and denying that the death of Jesus cleansed all sin.  By finding the truth the parents knew their son now lives in heaven.



The teenage boy sits in his wheelchair. Not long ago he played sports. He was popluar with friends and had a girlfriend.  Now he can only move his head slightly and his hands only move well enough to operate his wheelchair.  He is being cared for by the government and receives assistance from his caregiver. The only friend, who would pick up his big body to bathe him, had died. His other friends and girlfriend no longer come around.  His parents are divorced and have no time for him. 

The teenage boy sits in his wheelchair, tears run down his face like a waterfall; he cannot move his arms to wipe his tears away.  He often tells his caregiver that he has no life.  He prays for answers but cannot hear God’s response. Now he is housed in a residential program and looks to understand what purpose and reason God has for his life.

The infant child lies in her crib as her parents stand over her.  Her eyes are closed; her hands and feet are missing.  Doctors tell the parents for some reason she did not fully develop.  She will never see and will never have hands to hold or feet to run.  The doctors do not believe her mind will develop beyond her current infant existence.

Doctors tell the parents she will only live a few years.

Mom picks up her daughter and holds her close.  She wants to know why this happened to her daughter.  Dad turns his head as anger completely engulfs him.  He wants to rip apart everything in sight.  The parent’s want to wake up from a horrendous nightmare but they are already awake.  Their hearts are beating but life has stopped for them.  

They see the happiness of other parents.  They hear other parents talk about how their child is going to dance, play football and so much more.  They question how their daughter fits into God’s perfect plan and what purpose and reason she could have.

They question if God is punishing them for something, even though deep down they know God doesn’t punish this way.   As Christians they know God’s ways cannot completely be understood.  They deeply love their daughter but see other infant children who are perfectly healthy and want their daughter to be healthy.  The parent’s know they need to have faith in Jesus.  They know Jesus loves them and their daughter.  They know sin is responsible for their daughter’s birth defects.  They also know God has promised, once their daughter is in heaven she would be completely healthy.  Which blesses them with comfort but the parent’s at times still say, “Why can’t our little girl be healthy?”